Wow! magazine interviews Pierre Levi as he recovers from his near-fatal accident

This is the first interview Pierre Levi has given since being badly injured in a hit and run in central London. We visited him at the exclusive Aura Clinic where he was transferred out of intensive care.         Thank you for seeing us, Pierre. Can you tell us how bad your injuries were and how you're doing now?
     Let me count the ways. Cracked pelvis. Two broken legs. One femur, one ankle. Nothing else broken. She saved the face,apart from the black eye.
     You mean the driver? We understand that Margot Levi was driving the car.
     Yes. My ex sister in law. My ex lover. She ran me down deliberately.
     And the police are looking for her in connection with the accident. Why do you think she did that?
     I think because she wanted my brother back and if she couldn't have Gustav she'd make sure no-one did. But then I came galloping to the rescue so hey, why not kill both birds with the one stone? Thank God it wasn't Gustav.
    But the injuries are healing now?
    Bones heal, don't they? But the real scars are inside. In my head.
    That's pretty intense. What do you mean?
    Nightmares. I make quite a spectacle of myself, apparently. I keep these poor nurses on their toes But it's not Margot causing the nightmares. It's me. What I've been like in the past. I made life hell for the people I should have been looking out for. Get this. I broke my brother's heart not once but twice.
    How did you do that? And why?
    I ran off with Margot, his first wife. Yep. The same woman who tried to run me over. How mad is that? Gustav and I were estranged for five years. Then I tried to break up him and his new girlfriend by seducing her.
    Why?
    Margot Levi persuaded me. Both times. And I was bitter and twisted enough to go along with it.
    She sounds like a very powerful influence.
    I was very young the first time. Totally bewitched. But the second time? It was her idea, sure, but I took it and ran with it, no question. I knew exactly what I was doing. What started off as a sick joke became a genuine addiction. I was mad about her.
    Who? Margot Levi?
    No. Serena Folkes. Gustav's fiance.
    But you didn't succeed? I mean, they're still together?
    They're unbreakable. You'll never witness love like it. I think that's why I wanted to destroy it. I was jealous. Still am. But I'm paying for all that now.
    That sounds harsh. Maybe even a little self-pitying?
    I don't pity myself. I pity everyone who comes into contact with me. I deserve everything she's thrown at me.
   Who? Serena?
   Ha ha. No. Margot. By rights I should be dead. At the very least maimed for life. It's my punishment for everything I put them through. I'm rotten. People should stay away from me.
   Ah, looks like matron is cutting short our interview. Two more questions. You've had to pull out of the reality show pilot you were making in LA before this happened. What do you think the future holds? I mean, professionally?
    Haven't you heard? The waters close over your head if you're out of circulation creatively. What's your second question?
   You famously revelled in your playboy image. Are you looking for love again?
   You mean, a love I can call my own rather than trashing other people's?
   Simple, really. The love of a good woman. You won't be short of offers once you're on your feet again.
   Are you flirting with me?
   Oh, that came out wrong, I - well, maybe?
   Cute, but listen up, sweet pea. I'm not safe to be around. I should have a health warning slapped on. Women can steer well clear. I don't know what's in my future, but I'm not up for any involvement. Apart from the fact that my body is fucked. No. Celibacy is definitely the way forward.
   

You heard it hear first. Pierre Levi plans to join monastery.
    Funny. I'd laugh if it didn't hurt so much. Can I take your number?