He looks beautiful sitting on the chair in my bedroom. The stoniness
in his features softening despite his best efforts. A flush of colour
in his lean cheeks. His hair long and glossy, the blackness of his
eyes deepened by his burglar's clothes.
'Can I take a
photograph to remember you by? The moonlight suits you. Makes you
look younger somehow. It must be your natural lighting.' I lift my
camera, all my movements very slow, as if he might vault back over
the balcony at any moment.
He remains in
the chair, rocking very slightly and holding the glass of red wine.
This is me at my best. Stepping round the room, stepping round him,
framing and clicking. Trapping him forever in my little glass window.
'What do you
mean, remember me by?'
'Well, the
show's nearly sold out. Technically I'll be free to come and go as I
please.'
He picks up the
brush I've just been playing with and strokes it under his nose. Heat
surges through me, through my body, up into my face. He can smell me
on the bristles.
'Your heart
won't let you.'
I remain
standing, but I'm cold now. 'We've fulfilled most of the clauses of
the agreement in principle. And I'm grateful for your faith in me,
the gallery, and the room here, and your contacts and your help.'
'You have no
idea.'
He leans forward
and takes my wrist. There's a new silver chain, glinting in the
moonlight. He hooks it onto my bracelet. I'm hooked onto him. He tugs
hard on the chain and as I stumble towards him he scoops me up into
his arms and carries me out of the room, down the stairs, past
pre-Raphaelite Rapunzel, then he kicks open the double door of his
own room.
This is like
falling through the looking glass. I haven't changed or gone crazy,
like Alice. This isn't a nightmare, or even a dream. I'm still Serena
Folkes, the girl in the nightie who has this terrible addiction. But
in this moment Gustav has carried me into my new life.
He throws me
playfully on to the huge bed which is pushed up against the enormous
windows and then goes to stand by the wall opposite. An oblong of
light edges in from the landing, but apart from that the room is in
darkness.
A tiny spot
light pings on to illuminate a framed picture.
'You asked me
why I went to Milan. I carried this all the way out there from London
and then decided to frame it properly. I was going to give it to you
in Switzerland.'
It's the sketch
he did of me at the private view, small but perfectly formed. It's
been set in the centre of a wide pale green mount and a beautiful
silver frame. Instinctively I glance round the room, up at the
ceiling. The other walls are totally blank.
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